My son turns two-years-old tomorrow. Yeah, I have a kid. I didn't announce it on here because it's none of your God-damned business. Plus, I didn't want crappy unsolicited baby advice from a bunch of divorced 40-year-olds dudes who spend too much time on the internet. But since he's getting out-and-about more often and several Bucykvillians have met him, I figured I would put it out there.
1. I take him to bars sometimes. Maybe like a dozen times in 2 years. He likes it. There's lots of people doing dumb stuff and drunk people generally enjoy goofing around with a baby. He likes taking the ice out of someone's drink and spitting it either at them or back in their glass. Drunks find it hilarious. Also, there's usually some video games there too which he likes to look at. Since his bedtime is 7:30, it normally doesn't get too crazy.
2. He has never been on a plane. He's super mellow, but I can't imagine how awful that experience would be. Packing, security, the flight, changing him on a plane, the baby seat for the rental car... it all looks positively horrible. He will be 4-5 before I even dream of taking him on a plane. Plus, it would be awful for me because I would constantly be worried about the next unintentional jackass move that he would pull.
3. He went to every home basketball game when he was under 1; but then stopped going when he was 1. He got too squirmy and jumpy. Anyone who is taking a kid to a game at the age of 10 months or over and claims that they are truly "enjoying the game" and not just "babysitting a kid while a game goes on in the background that they see 2 minutes of" is a FUCKING LIAR. A little kid makes it impossible to watch the game. Since I really like to watch basketball, he stayed home with his babysitter. He will go when he can sit still and watch. He watches basketball on TV for like 5-10 minutes, so maybe in a few years.
4. Since football games are normally an all-day thing for me, he stayed home for almost all of those. He went to 1 last year during the NC and did fine. We had like 10 open seats around us, so he just trucked around all game. The part he liked the best was that he realized that if he stood on Monroe Street and put out his hand, every single person that walked by would slap him 5. He was exhausted by game time from ~4,000 hand slaps.
5. He knows who Bucky Badger is and he also knows who Ron Dayne is. Whenever he walks past the Great Dayne poster in our basement, he yells "Ron Dayne!" His favorite things to do are shoot a basketball and throw a football. He has a soccer ball that he never, ever touches. This all makes me happy.
6. When he gets up in the morning and when he goes to bed at night we watch TV together for like 45 minutes to an hour. Why? Because I'm fucking lazy and he likes it. I can lay there sleeping or surf the web and he can just watch. People say they don't learn as much by watching TV when they're young, but I sure as hell never showed him a live grizzly bear... yet if one pops up on the screen he starts pointing at it right away and saying "bear". So TV must be teaching him something. We enjoy the Nick Jr. shows... Bubble Guppies, Team Umizoomi and the Fresh Beat Band. I like Fresh Beat band most because Kiki is pretty hot. I never heard of any of these shows before, but they're like 50 times better than the crap they showed when we were kids. If I try to turn on a classic cartoon like Scooby-Doo, he's bored in two seconds because there's not enough interaction. These God-damned Nick Jr. shows are basically like having a conversation with your TV.
7. It's possible that the worst thing about the internet is something called "Mommy Blogs". You can type in any kid problem and there's thousands of pages of advice of all the things you're doing wrong. I'm pretty sure that there's nothing you can do to a child that someone won't claim is the worst thing in the world for them... "OH MY GOD!!! YOU GIVE HIM FRUIT FROM A GROCERY STORE AND YOU IMMUNIZED HIM FOR POLIO??!!" I can guarantee you there are 50 websites that claim both of the things I just listed are essentially forms of child abuse.
8. He eats whatever we eat. Luckily, before I had a kid, I ate like a 7-year-old, so that seems to work well for both of us. For instance, this evening we dined on a Chipotle burrito and then had a bowl of Trix cereal for desert. He goes to restaurants rather often, but he's never been anywhere fancy, and if he starts acting like an ass, we pack it up immediately. He's a good eater, but not much of a sitter. The problem is that he's always wanting to run off. He then gets home and realizes that he's hungry and eats all the food he ignored for the past hour.
9. Boxcar Henry met this kid once and 4thngol has met him several times. They both approved of him. So if you got a problem with this whole deal, take it up with them. As a matter of fact, 4thngol even got to enjoy the very unusual experience of seeing a 4-month old have a diarrhea outbreak at a Love Monkeys show at a beer tent.
10. Since we had him, we've gone to both Rose Bowls, Las Vegas, the Dominican Republic and the Badgers basketball tourney in Florida... all without him. While you do miss him like crazy, getting away from him is pretty awesome too. He has relatives who love him and don't get to see him daily, so everyone is happy. I can't imagine doing any of those trips with him for 45 logistical reasons. It would feel nothing like "a vacation" and more like "my normal life, but warmer".
11. Parenting is not "hard", if you have an ounce of common sense. It's more time-consuming, occasionally frustrating and trying to your patience. I never even held a baby before the first time I held my son and even I could figure it out well enough that he's living happy and healthy. Luckily, we've been blessed with his sleeping. Since about 8 weeks, he goes to bed at 7:30-8 without a fuss and he gets up between 6:30-7. In two years he has gotten up in the middle of the night maybe 20 times... so really almost never.
12. I am off the sidelines and in the game..... that's a fun age.
1. I take him to bars sometimes. Maybe like a dozen times in 2 years. He likes it. There's lots of people doing dumb stuff and drunk people generally enjoy goofing around with a baby. He likes taking the ice out of someone's drink and spitting it either at them or back in their glass. Drunks find it hilarious. Also, there's usually some video games there too which he likes to look at. Since his bedtime is 7:30, it normally doesn't get too crazy.
2. He has never been on a plane. He's super mellow, but I can't imagine how awful that experience would be. Packing, security, the flight, changing him on a plane, the baby seat for the rental car... it all looks positively horrible. He will be 4-5 before I even dream of taking him on a plane. Plus, it would be awful for me because I would constantly be worried about the next unintentional jackass move that he would pull.
3. He went to every home basketball game when he was under 1; but then stopped going when he was 1. He got too squirmy and jumpy. Anyone who is taking a kid to a game at the age of 10 months or over and claims that they are truly "enjoying the game" and not just "babysitting a kid while a game goes on in the background that they see 2 minutes of" is a FUCKING LIAR. A little kid makes it impossible to watch the game. Since I really like to watch basketball, he stayed home with his babysitter. He will go when he can sit still and watch. He watches basketball on TV for like 5-10 minutes, so maybe in a few years.
4. Since football games are normally an all-day thing for me, he stayed home for almost all of those. He went to 1 last year during the NC and did fine. We had like 10 open seats around us, so he just trucked around all game. The part he liked the best was that he realized that if he stood on Monroe Street and put out his hand, every single person that walked by would slap him 5. He was exhausted by game time from ~4,000 hand slaps.
5. He knows who Bucky Badger is and he also knows who Ron Dayne is. Whenever he walks past the Great Dayne poster in our basement, he yells "Ron Dayne!" His favorite things to do are shoot a basketball and throw a football. He has a soccer ball that he never, ever touches. This all makes me happy.
6. When he gets up in the morning and when he goes to bed at night we watch TV together for like 45 minutes to an hour. Why? Because I'm fucking lazy and he likes it. I can lay there sleeping or surf the web and he can just watch. People say they don't learn as much by watching TV when they're young, but I sure as hell never showed him a live grizzly bear... yet if one pops up on the screen he starts pointing at it right away and saying "bear". So TV must be teaching him something. We enjoy the Nick Jr. shows... Bubble Guppies, Team Umizoomi and the Fresh Beat Band. I like Fresh Beat band most because Kiki is pretty hot. I never heard of any of these shows before, but they're like 50 times better than the crap they showed when we were kids. If I try to turn on a classic cartoon like Scooby-Doo, he's bored in two seconds because there's not enough interaction. These God-damned Nick Jr. shows are basically like having a conversation with your TV.
7. It's possible that the worst thing about the internet is something called "Mommy Blogs". You can type in any kid problem and there's thousands of pages of advice of all the things you're doing wrong. I'm pretty sure that there's nothing you can do to a child that someone won't claim is the worst thing in the world for them... "OH MY GOD!!! YOU GIVE HIM FRUIT FROM A GROCERY STORE AND YOU IMMUNIZED HIM FOR POLIO??!!" I can guarantee you there are 50 websites that claim both of the things I just listed are essentially forms of child abuse.
8. He eats whatever we eat. Luckily, before I had a kid, I ate like a 7-year-old, so that seems to work well for both of us. For instance, this evening we dined on a Chipotle burrito and then had a bowl of Trix cereal for desert. He goes to restaurants rather often, but he's never been anywhere fancy, and if he starts acting like an ass, we pack it up immediately. He's a good eater, but not much of a sitter. The problem is that he's always wanting to run off. He then gets home and realizes that he's hungry and eats all the food he ignored for the past hour.
9. Boxcar Henry met this kid once and 4thngol has met him several times. They both approved of him. So if you got a problem with this whole deal, take it up with them. As a matter of fact, 4thngol even got to enjoy the very unusual experience of seeing a 4-month old have a diarrhea outbreak at a Love Monkeys show at a beer tent.
10. Since we had him, we've gone to both Rose Bowls, Las Vegas, the Dominican Republic and the Badgers basketball tourney in Florida... all without him. While you do miss him like crazy, getting away from him is pretty awesome too. He has relatives who love him and don't get to see him daily, so everyone is happy. I can't imagine doing any of those trips with him for 45 logistical reasons. It would feel nothing like "a vacation" and more like "my normal life, but warmer".
11. Parenting is not "hard", if you have an ounce of common sense. It's more time-consuming, occasionally frustrating and trying to your patience. I never even held a baby before the first time I held my son and even I could figure it out well enough that he's living happy and healthy. Luckily, we've been blessed with his sleeping. Since about 8 weeks, he goes to bed at 7:30-8 without a fuss and he gets up between 6:30-7. In two years he has gotten up in the middle of the night maybe 20 times... so really almost never.
12. I am off the sidelines and in the game..... that's a fun age.
